This is just a quickie…I don’t have a lot of time but wanted to share. Today, for me, has truly been a day of complete hell. I apologize for being sparse with the details… just believe me when I say it.
My lingering thought for today, and the running theme throughout my life for the past several months is love. Love of the unconditional kind.
To love, unconditionally, means to love - no matter what. The person receiving your unconditional love should have no doubts about your love.. and along with it the very strong reliance that you will be there for them… no matter what.
No matter what.
You can say that you love someone unconditionally. It’s so easy to say. But when it is put to the test.. you never really know. When things go wrong - - you find out, right quick.. and to have that unconditional love put to the test and verified.. well, its kind of empowering.
That does not mean you do not have an opinion or a judgment on their decisions, their actions or choices in their life. But you recognize the person as a complete individual and free human being - and you love them, no matter what. You try to support them. Help them. Talk to them. And always.. always keep the door open. They are always free to sit down at your table and know that you are there, that you love them and you will always, always try to help, support and guide them. No matter what they’ve done, how they’ve done it or how old they get.
Being a parent has taught me that much. I did not know what it was to love, unconditionally, until I had children. More pointedly, as my children become young adults, that love is constantly being put to the test. As a parent, you need to give them the freedoms to make their own mistakes and rather than being there to say “See, I TOLD you so!“… you are there with your arms open to say “I know, honey - it’s hard. Sit down, let me make you some coffee and we can talk about what’s next, ok?”
You don’t enable their behavior - - you acknowledge their mistakes when they are wrong, and their successes when they get things right. You offer advice and guidance - - more importantly, you offer them an open ear and an open heart… and you listen.
It must be an incredibly comforting feeling to know that there is someone in your life who you can turn to - - no matter what happens along the way…and awfully lonely if you don’t.
As hard and heartbreaking as it absolutely can be - - I truly treasure being that person for someone I love.
That’s all. I hope you are having a nice Thursday - - send over some good karma, if you can.
I...
4:18 pm on April 24th, 2008
Parenting… One of the hardest, most rewarding, giving and forgiving jobs we have.
Thanks for “Today’s Thoughts” I think any parent will appreciate and certainly understand what you are saying.
(» Read Grant D Griffiths’s last blog post..How to Sell Virtual Assistance)
5:51 pm on April 24th, 2008
It goes both ways - I loved my mom unconditionally, even though I strongly disagreed with some of the things she did.
{{{hugs}}} to you, Lisa.
6:57 pm on April 24th, 2008
Sending you understanding and warm karma from across the Pacific Ocean … raising adults can sometimes be more challenging than raising kids. Parenting skills need to change as the kids do.
With a 22yo and 20yo who have had there fair share of learning about life by living it I’ve often used you approach of “I know, honey - it’s hard. Sit down, let me make you some coffee and we can talk about what’s next, ok?†As you say it works much better than “I told you so”.
A wise friend once share with me the mantra that helped her raise 2 adults - “The wisdom of the universe resides within my children and they will be alright”.
Take care
(» Read Leah Maclean’s last blog post..How Highrise works for Working Solo)
8:50 pm on April 24th, 2008
For something described as quickie to contain such insight and depth is rare.
As a parent of a 12 & 5 year old, I have not yet had the experience with young adults but in my own way I believe I’ve experienced the unconditional love you speak of, through events beyond anyone’s control.
Raising a toast to the superb parent you are, and your loving soul.
(» Read Charlie on the PA Turnpike’s last blog post..Agita from gas (revisited))
7:16 am on April 25th, 2008
As the parent of a wee toddler I have yet to experience the delicious joy of parenting through teen years. I’m sure Haldol will be there to help in my time of need.
But you’re right, we really have no clue about love until we are responsible for shaping the mind of a tiny growing human. And it is heartbreaking to think of the delicacy of the life that the universe entrusts you to handle with care, affection, direction and leadership.
But the karma you seek is all around you. It grows you and, in turn, you grow it. It’s that simple. Simple but difficult. And therein lies the fruit of your hard work.
Plow and eat well!
(» Read Phil’s last blog post..Have You Considered a Career in Farming?)
12:46 am on April 30th, 2008
I know it’s not Thursday anymore, but it’s coming up on Thursday again, so how about an “I ? you” for a Tuesday?