It’s been a pretty long time since you’ve dealt with me like that…
Pushing me…hurting me…. making me feel vulnerable and open…
fucking with my head like only you can do.
It’s been a pretty long time.
Put that together with the fact that you’ve been gone for a week - -
I miss you like crazy, I want you here instead of there….
Put those things together with the pain that’s got me wrecked.
My body is sensitive.
My mind is, too.
The sensations are what I crave
but have been boxed for quite some time
I apologized for losing control
but I guess it killed it for you.
You were no longer interested.
You wouldn’t talk to me.
You’re disappointed and dismiss me
like a girl who is actually used to it, regularly.
I’m not.
It’s been awhile and I lost it.
Now I feel stupid.
And, yes – annoyed.
I apologized – and you wouldn’t talk to me.
You’re probably sitting over there …
Smug.
Thinking that this is all part of getting me back there..
And you’re probably right, dammit.
But it doesn’t take away from the fact that I miss you, and I want you….
And I crave those things from you…
And it’s been so long…
And it hurts to be dealt with like that,
To just shut it down and shut it off
Dismissed…
For the greater good, in the long run – you’re thinking.
A small mistake - - considering the circumstances,
Hardly worth the outcome, I’m thinking.
A little understanding, maybe?
A small mistake resulting in the ultimate snub.
You know how much that hurts me.
Bothers me.
Annoys the fuck out of me.
Well, I hope that you’re having a good night of sleep over there.
Because now that I’ve gotten this off my chest,
I’m going to sleep like a fucking rock now.
I...
2:36 pm on September 9th, 2003
Wow… Exactly how I felt up until a couple of months ago. I eventualy got to the point that the need to sexualy submit and not getting to was effecting my state of mind. That’s when my master figured out that the impact toy I hate could be used for corporal punishment and it is just as affective as ignoring me or denying me the opportunity to sexually submit. *smiles* I could go on and on but I think you know where I’m comming from.