I have this coffee house I’ve been going to for 10+ years. They make the best coffee and sell my most favorite beans there….Panamanian - roasted by Alterra. I’ve gotten to know the owner quite well - - she sees me coming down the street and immediately begins to make my large latte with vanilla because she knows I never stray from my usual cup. About once a week she asks me if I need my weekly pound of beans yet….or will I be doing that later this week? It’s a comfort thing - - they know me, I know them….everyone who works there knows my name, I know theirs - - heck, I’ve even made plans to go golfing with one of the baristas that works there.

This week - I found out that the owner of the coffee house is selling it - - to some guy. So she introduces me to him as her best customer….”She’s in every day - sometimes twice. This is what she drinks and we always put extra beans in her one pound bag of coffee…so don’t forget.”

So the next day…I go in and say my hellos to the girls. They are pretty busy - so I grab a newspaper and sit down at a table to read the front page headlines….quietly waiting for my coffee, as I usually do. No rush. No hurry. I’ll just happily read my paper….anticipating my yummy java. That’s when this guy…this new owner….takes a seat directly across from me at the table:

Him: So you read the news often - or just when you’re waiting for coffee?
Me: Yea, often.
Him: I think it’s great to stay informed.
Me: Yea.
Him: (owner) tells me you’re in here all the time - is that true?
Me: (owner>) doesn’t have a habit of lying, to my knowledge.
Him: That’s great — this is a great place. (owner) has done a great job and has such great customers.
Me: Great.
Him: I think the war in Iraq is stupid.
Me: I happen to think it’s necessary.
Him: Oh me too - - don’t get me wrong, I think it’s totally necessary - - I agree with you on that.
Me: Of course you do.

Coffee delivered. Conversation over. Today I go in there…made my usual order plus the beans. I’m chatting up this really cute blonde girly barista. We’re talking about my upcoming trip to Lake Tahoe - - she’s asking me how many days? If I’m excited? I tell her that I’m already planning on breaking my leg skiing - so I don’t have my hopes too high and then ask her if she’s be kind enough to sign my cast in a pink marker when I get home. And then…..

Him: No worries about skiing, dear (dear???)
Me: Oh?
Him: It’s just like ice skating - - do you ice skate?
Me: Not since I was 8.
Him: Well it’s just like that. I should know, I played hockey for years and years.
Me: Ah.
Him: You should let someone take you to the slopes here in town to practice.
Me: Too cold. (it’s -5 degrees)
Him: There are ways to keep warm on cold days like this.
Me: I’ll tell my boyfriend that you said so.

He so TOTALLY interrupted my conversation with the really cute barista, whom I’ve been flirting with for a year. I have to find a way to get over this. The owner closes on the sale of her coffee house at the end of the month - - so she won’t even be there as a buffer anymore. I just want to go in there and scream….”Hey! This is MY coffee house. No one consulted ME about selling it to some smarmy schmuck! No one asked ME if I wanted to buy it! Where did this bozo come from and can we send him back??”

To understand me would be to understand why this is my crisis of the day. Bah - - - whoever said change is good never met Mr. Schmuck Coffee House Owner.